Monday, August 22, 2011

How involved...

Those of you that have involved are your husbands?  Those of you that don't have do you picture your husbands as Daddys?  Do you picture them getting up in the middle of the night, feeding them and rocking them?  Being kind and considerate even on only a few hours of sleep?  Changing all the diapers they possibly can?

I'm not sure what I pictured when I thought of hubby as a Daddy.  I knew he would be kind and loving, but I wasn't sure how helpful he would be.  He was the opposite of helpful when I was pregnant, and especially when I was on bedrest.  So, I didn't really have any expectations.

But, I'm curious to hear what you all have to say.  I'll start by sharing our experiences thus far -

Hubby is a very sweet Daddy.  He loves to play with Jaxson, never shys away from feeding him a bottle or changing a diaper.  He has gotten up early with me this week to help me get Jaxson ready while I get ready.  He helps me clean bottles, wash baby clothes and clean the house.  He is more than I can ask for on all of those levels.

Now, regarding sleep - it is a different story.

Night before Jaxson is born - I send hubby home to sleep because I know I will need him the next day.  He doesn't do well on less than 8-9 hours of sleep (I know, I know...)

Jaxson's first night - Hubby sleeps in the hospital with us, and is very nice and doesn't complain when our nurse brings Jaxson to eat every couple of hours.

Jaxson's second night - Hubby decides he is too tired to do that again and my Mom stays in the hospital with me while he goes home to sleep, and then he returns at 10AM "better rested".

Jaxson's first week - My Mom and I did shifts so that both of us could get some sleep but still take good care of my sweet new baby.  Hubby slept because he was ending his fiscal year at work and really needed to concentrate to make conference.

From then on...
I have been sleeping in the guest room.  It made the most sense while I was on maternity leave.  I mean, 1) I was breastfeeding and 2) I wasn't working, and hubby was.

Well, now maternity leave is over and I'm back to work.  So, Sunday night, I moved back into our bedroom.  It was nice.  You should have seen hubby's face when I came in with the monitor.  What?  I can hear static.  There's a light on it, why?  The fourth time he woke me up to one of Jaxson's little sleep noises - I seriously considered leaving.  I am used to all of those little noises that babies make when they sleep.  Hubby, not having done anything night time related since he was born, is not.  When Jaxson woke up at 4AM and I pulled him into bed with us to feed him, Hubby was beyond confused and couldn't go back to sleep.  Clearly, we are not ready for this.

So, Hubby offered to move to the couch for a little while so he could get some sleep.  I moved my stuff back into the guest room last night, there is no reason for him to sleep on the couch, I am comfortable in the guest room and it's close to the nursery.

But - here's my question - how long is it ok to sleep in separate beds after you have a baby?  I refuse to let this become a habit and something that sticks.  I miss sleeping with my husband and I know he misses me there too.  Until we had Jaxson, we went to bed together every night. 

Maybe we could sleep in our bed on the weekends to help him get used to the monitors and noises?  Any ideas are more than welcome, and please, share your experiences with me!


Nicole-Lynn said...

I am sorry I don't have any advice, as I'm not a mother and have not experienced this...
I think your idea of sleeping in the same room on the weekend is a good idea, that way he can sleep in a little the next day if needed and slowly things will start to feel more normal.

On another note, it sounds like you and your husband need some alone time. I'm very happy for you about your trip you told me about!

CanDance English said...

Well, I am sorry to hear you are having hard transition back after going back to work. With both of my kids we slept in the same bed from day one.
AJ - During my maternity leave I would do the 8pm feeding and then rock AJ to sleep and put him in his bassinet in our room and I would go to bed. Then my hubs would stay up for the midnight feeding. Then I would get up at 3:30 or 4:00 for his middle of the night feeding when he woke up. Then he would sleep until 6:30 and I would get up and feed him and go back to bed. By the time AJ was done eating his 6:30 feeding it was 7:00 And Hubs would be up for work. he would get him dressed while he got dressed so i could sleep for a half hour and then off to work and I was on my own. By the time I went back to work after my six weeks AJ was sleeping through the night so we just played it by ear. AJ did not go to the nursery from his bassinet until 8 weeks. At that point in time he was just in the next room and we had the monitor on my side of the bed on low. If I had to be at work before 7am Adam would get up if AJ cried in the middle of the night to give me a pat on the back or a paci. If I had to be at work after 7am then I would get up for the middle of the night back rub or paci.

Now after having two it got a little more complicated because she DID NOT sleep through the night until about 4 months. I kept BOTH kids home the entire time on maternity leave... A HUGE adjustment compared to AJ. But we did the same routine as we did with AJ. I just lost more sleep during the day that I got when I had AJ.

Now we sleep with the monitor in our master bathroom so it is not as loud and you don't see the bright lights... He hates the noises and lights too so that was our compromise...

I hope this is not too long and I hope it gets a little easier for you..... Lots of prayers for you!