I did it. I went back to work. After the most difficult, but most rewarding 3 months of my life, I not only survived, but am giving it up. It is bittersweet for me. I've missed work, and I'm excited to be back with my friends and coworkers. It's kind of like ending summer break. I've enjoyed going out to lunch and having adult conversations. I've enjoyed getting dressed up the past couple of days. I'm starting to enjoy being Michelle again.
BUT - my goodness do I miss that little baby! Dropping him off for the first time was heartbreaking. I think it was worse than childbirth! Really and truly I do! I started crying the moment I woke up, and pretty much cried off and on all morning. When we got to Miss. Mary's house, I cried and cried some more. He was happy as could be, looking around at the new place, taking it all in. When I kissed him good bye for the 15th time, he gave me the biggest smile ever. I kept telling Hubby that I didn't want to do this, that it was too hard. I'm crying now just thinking about how I felt! But, I left and cried the whole way to work.
Once I got there, I started to feel a little better. I got lots of hugs and support, and everyone was so happy to have me back. So happy, that I had a few conference calls lined up in a row to fix issues that had been swept under the rug until my return. It was nice to feel needed in a different way than Jaxson needs me. The day went by quickly, and I went to lunch at the new hole in the wall that had become a favorite during my absence. I was able to pump twice during the day, and my kind boss had a lock installed on the conference room door so I would feel more comfortable. Before I knew it, it was time to go home! The drive seemed to take forever, but once I made it I was the happiest Mommy in the world!
I held Jaxson and squeezed him for as long as he would let me before he started to fall asleep. Then I held him a little longer before I put him down for his last nap of the day. Turns out he survived, and he didn't forget me. I was so happy! I am going to have to get a balance of my time in the evenings, I'm not sure how to get everything done - washing bottles, dinner, chores, working out...none of those things seem so important when I only have a few hours with my sweet baby at night. I'm sure we will fall into some type of a routine. Any advice from you workin' Mommas out there?
This morning, on day 2 of day care, I cried less, only a little bit while I was talking to him on the way to Miss. Mary's. When we got there, she got the biggest smile ever! We talked for a few minutes, and he started leaning to her, almost falling out of my arms! My heart warmed at the site of him wanting to go to her. It thrilled her too! He smiled and smiled at her, and then, while we talked some more, he fell asleep on her shoulder. I felt so comfortable leaving him with her today. She asked if it was ok for her to hold him for just a little while this morning while he slept before putting him down, and of course I said yes. I'm so thankful that God gave her to us!!!