Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Love & Respect

I am reading the most amazing book I have EVER read.  I mean it!  I would be remiss if I didn't share it with you wonderful ladies.  I think every wife in the world should read this book :)  I am so thankful that Kristen posted about it.  After her review - I ordered it immediately.

If you follow my ramblings on a regular basis, then you know that the adjustment from single people to married people has been an interesting challenge for hubby and I.  We love each other oh-so-very much, but, it is a hard role adjustment for me to totally depend on him and allow him to lead, which makes things difficult for him.  Well, this book speaks to me.  I mean, really speaks to me.  I started reading, and immediately grabbed a pen so I could underline the parts that spoke to me.  I started reading some of the underlined parts to hubby, and he said, "Oh my gosh, did someone write this just for us?"  haha!  In our humble opinion, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a genius!!

So, I wanted to share my favorite parts from the first chapter with you.

* You can be RIGHT but WRONG at the top of your voice.  (p 10)
You can totally be in the right, and making a great point to your spouse - but if your delivery is not kind, loving, or respectful - they will most likely not hear what you are saying.  They will become defensive, and this enters you into what Dr. Eggerichs refers to as the Crazy Cycle.

* Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband - Ephesians 5:33 (p 15)

* How the need for love and the need for respect play off of one another in a marriage has EVERYTHING to do with the kind of marriage you will have. (p 15)

*A husband is to obey the command to love even if his wife does not obey this command to respect, and the wife is to obey the command to respect even if the husband does not obey the command to love (p 15-16)

*When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife.  (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!)  When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband.  (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!) (p 16)

*To love and respect each other are commands from God himself (p 18)

*Women usually ask, "Does my husband love me as much as I love him?"  She knows she love him, but she wonders at times if he loves her nearly as much.  So when he comes across as unloving, she typically reacts in a negative way.  In her opinion, he needs to change into a more sensitive and caring man.  unfortunately, a wife's usual approach is to complain and criticize in order to motivate her husband to become more loving.  On the other hand, a husband does not commonly ask, "Does my wife love me as much as I love her?"  Why not?  Because he is assured of her love.  If you ask husbands, "Does your wife love you?"  They reply, "Yes, of course."  But if you ask, "Does she like you?"  and the answer is usually, "Nope".  The wife's dislike is interpreted by the husband as disrespect and even contempt.  In his opinion, he has changed from being the admiring, ever-approving woman she was when they courted.  Now she doesn't approve, and she's letting him know it.  So the husband decides he will motivate his wife to become more respectful by acting in unloving ways. (p 17-18)

* The apostle Peter wrote to wives that if any husbands were disobedient to God's word, "they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior" 1 Peter 3:1-2.  Peter is talking about unconditional respect. (p 18)

* Peter is not calling on wives to feel respect; he is commanding them to show respectful behavior.  This is not about husbands deserving respect; it is about the wife being willing to treat her husband respectfully without condition. (p 18)

*God has ordained that wives respect their husbands as a method to win husbands to Himself.  (WOW - THAT IS HUGE!)  As a husband opens his spirit to God, he reopens his spirit to his wife.  No husband feels affection toward a wife who appears to have contempt for who he is as a human being.  They key to creating fond feelings of love in a husband toward his wife is through showing hi unconditional respect. 

I know this is a long post, but I just couldn't keep some of this stuff to myself.  I feel like I have found a whole new outlook on my marriage - and I just had to share it with you ladies!

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!

(Source: Love & Respect; The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs; Dr. Emerson Eggeriches)


kristent1 said...

Yay! I'm so glad you love the book! The whole time I was reading it, I kept thinking, "Wow, that is totally us! How did he know that!" haha So good!

michelle ellis said...

Kristen, I will be forever thankful that you introduced me to this book!! Thank you so very much!