Monday, May 7, 2012

Update on Submission

Submission seems to be a hot topic with many of you ladies.  I appreciate all of your viewpoints, opinions and life experiences more than you know.  Thank you so much for helping me.

I figure I owe you an update on how my struggle with submission is going :)

First, hubby and I sat down (at my request) to have a talk.  It did NOT go well.  I was cool, calm and collected, and he was not.  Somehow, he felt that I was attacking him.  He went completely in the opposite direction, saying that the house and Jaxson were absolutely my job, and how dare I ask him to do anything other than work and provide for this family.  Obviously, that did not sit well with me, because I work and provide an equal part to this family as well.  BUT - I said fine, I will not expect that of you, but I have been holding up my end of the respect bargain for over 2 months, and I don't feel that I am getting the love and appreciation from you that I need as encouragement to keep going, because it is a struggle for me.  His response (keep in mind this was out of anger), was well, you don't always get what you want so you are going to have to settle for what I give you.  Ouch.  So, at this point, I was crying and done.  And hurt. 

So, we hardly spoke for two days.  And I was so sad.  I wasn't angry at him, just hurt and sad, and feeling like I didn't know him at all. 

So, Saturday night, our anniversary celebration came, and I was still very upset but trying to put on a happy face.  Things were not right and he knew it.

So, after a few uncomfortable minutes at dinner, he brought up the conversation again.  He didn't exactly apologize, but he did say that he didn't mean what he said and that he didn't really believe that.  He is going to help more and appreciates my efforts to be respectful.  We both agreed that we just needed to relax a little and that things would go better.  And, he has been so incredibly helpful since then.  He has gotten up each morning and helped with Jaxson while I finish getting ready, and gotten the house ready in the mornings.  I feel so thankful that he has taken on more of those responsibilities.  It makes me love him and respect him even more.

So, things are much better right now.  I still struggle with being submissive and respectful, but I am working on it.  And, hubby is working on helping me.

I can't thank you all enough for your advice and support, and most importantly your prayers.  Thank you for helping me through this!




Candice said...

So glad things are looking better!! You are so strong! :)

Anna said...

I was hoping you'd update. I know this is something that many families struggle with.

Also, if you haven't read 5 love languages I'd seriously consider it. I still can not get my hubby to read it (even though I uploaded it on his kindle) but I try harder to be more direct in asking for the type of love I need and provide the type of love that I think he wants.

Nicole-Lynn said...

I'm so glad things are better now. It's always hard approaching a difficult topic or something not comfortable. You are very patient and kind and that's what God wants from you. Continue being a great wife and mom, and let your voice be heard when it needs to be. Communication is always key. Love you girl!

Nicole-Lynn said...

I'm not sure if my last comment posted :(

I am so proud of you for confronting your husband. I know how hard that can be especially when it's not a comfortable situation, when you're not seeing eye to eye on the issue at hand. God wants you to be kind and patient. You're doing great as a mom and wife so keep on doing what you're doing, and know when to speak up and communicate your feelings to your husband. Love you girl!

Veronika said...

Glad you were able to talk about things...have you considered couples therapy and/or talking to your spiritual leader at the church?

I ask because I feel that you will always feel unappreciated and overwhelmed if your partner isn't willing to adjust and support you in some of your needs. Maybe talking to a third party might help him see your point of view more clearly?