Friday, July 29, 2011

Separation

So, hubby won a trip to the Bahamas for a reward for his performance at work last year.  Whoo who!  I am so proud of him.  The best part is that I get to go too!  Not for the whole trip, but for the second half when the other spouses get to go.  Originally, we decided that I would go Thursday - Sunday.  I thought three nights away from Jaxson wouldn't be such a big deal.

Well, yesterday, hubby called and said that we had to book our flights RIGHT.NOW.  Apparently he "forgot" to tell me that there was a deadline and it was that day.  Thanks babe.  And then he informed me that he needed me to go Wednesday - Monday because his company wouldn't pay for the other days due to the increase in airfare prices.  6 days, 5 nights away from my 4 month old baby????  I totally lost it.  I mean, lost it.  Tears, tears and more tears.  I just couldn't even entertain the idea of being away from him for that long.  I haven't been away for him for more than a few hours since he was born.  Will he wonder where I went?  What if he gets really upset and no one can sooth him?  Will he think I'm never coming back?  What if he gets sick or scared?

I came up with a great solution - I would fly American Airlines and go through Dallas and meet my parents at the airport to drop off Jaxson.  No good.  The company was only offering to buy AirTran tickets.  They don't have any flights through Dallas, only Atlanta.  My mind was running...Daddy's corporate office is there, maybe he could pick him up...no Michelle, that is not reasonable...I knew that.  Ugh.  After crying for about 2 hours and hugging Jaxson like there was no tomorrow, and that I certainly wouldn't have a tomorrow with him (completely unreasonable, I know), I decided to go to the one person that I knew would help me - my Mom.  She assured me that I was not crazy, that my feelings were completely normal, and that trips like this were important not only to my sanity, but my marriage.  She said she would drive to Houston and keep him for me if I needed her to.  She made me feel much better and assured me that I am a good mother, and that Jaxson will be just fine.  I am so thankful for her.

So, I called Hubby and booked my flight.  Then I held Jaxson through his nap and cried a little more.  I think I'm a crazy person.  I mean, who cries about getting to go to the Bahamas?

To you other Mommies out there, when did you first leave your little ones?  Did you have a hard time with it?  Or am I just unreasonably crazy?

9 comments:

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Oh darlin', I don't think you're being crazy at all! I'm probably not helping, but i cannot imagine leaving my four month old for a couple of hours, let alone 5 days. I know I'm not normal {lol!} but I hadn't ever left Sierra overnight until I was in the hospital having Makenna {when Sierra was 2 1/2}. Jeremy and I did manage to get away for one night to the beach when Sierra was 5 and Makenna was 3, but that's it. We just take the girls with us. When we went to Hawaii my parents came along, and we got a couple of nice dinners alone, but then we got to enjoy having our children with us as well. Is that an option for you?

Elaina said...

Awww.... Michelle! You are not crazy! And your Mom is exactly right. You will enjoy that time away from your baby with your hubby, and it is SO important to have that. Eric and I went to Vegas for 5 nights when Carter was just 5 months old. I was a basketcase about leaving him. I felt like there was no one on the face of the planet that could take care of my baby as good as I could. I was so worried that he wouldn't eat well, sleep well, that he'd forget me, etc. But he did just fine! And I will never forget the big grin he gave me when I came in the door at my parent's house to get him! He definitely remembered me, and was perfectly happy even while I was gone. It will be just FINE! But I know what you mean, it is definitely tough, and everything you are feeling now is totally normal. Trust me, leaving him will be hard, and you will have moments of missing him so bad while you are gone, but it will all be totally worth it! Hope you can start feeling better about this soon... get excited... it's the Bahamas! :)

CanDance English said...

Awww.... Girl, you are NOT crazy... I was just like you... My first time leaving my Son with someone other than my husband or I for an overnight was actually when Amelia was three weeks old. If I could have changed that I would have... One weekend last september Adam and I went to visit my parents with the kids and my mom could tell the entire weekend how tired and stressed I was... I cried when she told me how cute I looked... Who does that?? So that Sunday when we packed up the car to go home Adam and I got in the car and he told me he had both kids ready to go and in the car..So I got it and he took off... I did nto even get to get relaxed.. I realized AJ was not there and FREAKED OUT!!! He told me that my Mom MADE him keep AJ there... The entire three hour drive I bawled my eyes out... I felt like the most horrible mother ever... Like I could not deal with two babies, etc.... Well, those FIVE days without him and only having my newborn, were the most AWESOME and much needed days... I got to sleep when Amelia slept, clean the house, relax it was AMAZING.... Feel excited about your time away and enjoy your trip... Jaxson will be just fine and it will be amazing time for you and the hubby....

Kimmie said...

Hey girl!! I have a 2 year old and a 6 week old. My husband just booked a cruise for January and I am already stressing over leaving the kids. I know I have to do it though, I do think it will be great for our marriage. I think keeping the relationship strong with your husband only makes for better parenting. So I have to do it!! I have only left my 2 year old for 1 night..we will be gone 5 nights!! It will be tough so I know how your feeling!!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh u are not crazy! I personally wouldturn down a trip to the Bahamas in a second because I would not leave my baby. Those years are so precious and go by so fast in no time they will be grown and u will have all the time in the world without them. I personlly never left my son until my second was born . My second was born when he was two. Leaving him for ONE night to have my next baby was torture enough! You are not crazy it's hard! And in the long run we have such a short amount of time with our children! Can u take him?!

Nicole-Lynn said...

Girl, no you are not crazy at all! haha You're just a very good mamma! I agree with your mom though, this is a trip of a lifetime and I know you'll have such a nice time with it just being you and your hubby! How fun!!! I'm very happy for you and know you'll be so glad you went!

Candice said...

Poor love! I'm sure you're allowed as many breakdowns as you want....it's in the first-time Mommy codebook! :)

michelle ellis said...

You ladies are so so wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and for making me feel so, so much better! I truly cannot thank you enough!!! I'm glad to know that I am normal and not totally crazy. Could you please all tell my hubby? haha!

michelle ellis said...

Oh, I wish we could take him!
Liz, that sounds like the perfect vacation! Since is it is work trip, it's not an option. I so wish that it was - with every piece of my heart!

Kimmie - we can do this!!!

Candance - I love that story - what a wonderfully supportive family you have! I can't imagine having a newborn and a little one running around - I have such a HUGE respect for you mommies of more than one!

Elaina, thank you so so much! That is the exact amount of time we will be gone, and I have the same fears!!!! Thank you for making me feel better!