I've been struggling with something lately and would love and appreciate a different perspective from each of you ladies. Let's talk about our roles a wives.
Biblically, we are to be submissive to our husbands; we are to follow him and to allow him to lead us. He is to provide for our family and love us like Christ loved the church. Our job is to create and raise precious little ones, to support and lift up our husbands, and to make our home a wonderful haven for him, full of love and kindness.
I love this model. It makes sense to me. I understand why it works, and why God presented marriage in this light. I don't know how to make it work in my world, however.
Here's the deal. Ever since we were little girls, we were taught that we could do anything we wanted to do. We don't get married right out of high school or college anymore. We start lives, become independent, and get our careers off the ground. Young men do the same thing. Then we meet someone we adore, and decide to merge our lives together.
Here is a little view into my world.
Hubby and I are both in sales. He is in outside sales that focuses on relationship building. I am in high pressure software sales. We make close to the same amount of money. He loves his job and is very good at it. I love the company that I work for and the people that I work with, but my job is very hard and stressful. With his job, he calls and tells me about every conversation, every meeting, every deal, every client. I actively listen and enjoy that he shares these things with me. I hope that we always communicate like this. Regarding my job, he never asks questions, and hardly listens when I tell him about a good or bad thing that happens at work. On the rare occasion that he is actively listening to me and not playing tetris on his phone, he tells me "that's wrong, you should do this..." regardless of if I am telling him I just sold a big deal or lost one. For example, I have been preparing for my QBR for over a week now, and he hasn't asked a word about it. I told him twice last night that I was nervous and wanted to practice. His response? Hmmm...
I handle all of our finances. If we have $50 Hubby will spend $70 and finance $100. So, I took them all over and pay all of the bills and do all of the budgeting. This turns me into the Mom of him. For example, we are on a very tight budget right now because we are buying a new house. Last night he asks me if he can buy $200 replicas of his Nike's that he had in high school. Seriously? I hate telling him he can't have something, which is why I hate being in control of the money. Then I get annoyed at him for even asking about that because he knows we are saving our pennies for our new house.
Hubby does the yard and washes the cars. Everything else is completely my responsibility. Our house is on the market right now, which means that every morning, after I get up, get myself ready, feed Jaxson and get him ready, then I have to make the house ready for showing. Washing bottles and dishes, opening up the blinds, wiping down counters, etc. etc. It's a lot. And, this is all done while he is still sleeping in the morning. I also run all of the errands and do all of the shopping. I spend most of my lunch breaks cleaning house and running errands.
This is why it is difficult for me to live out the biblical outline of marriage. How do I let him lead when he doesn't? How am I supposed to look to him for guidance when I am the one managing our entire world?
This is why I have a problem being submissive. When he tells me how to do something, and what he wants me to do, and I know it's wrong, or I have a better way, I don't want to do it. I don't have time to do it. I am moving from the moment my alarm goes off to the moment that we fall asleep with a constant to do list that continues to grow. So, many times, I don't even have the energy to humor him. I made a commitment to myself 2 months ago that I was going to do whatever he said, and however he said to do it for 60 days. And I did. And I am exhausted and defeated. I feel at peace knowing that I have been doing the "right thing" by respecting my husband, but it is not fulfilling for me at all. That's the problem with the modern model of marriage vs. the biblical model.
I work very hard at my job, being a good mother, being a good wife & provider. The old model takes the part of working and providing out of the mix. How much easier would life be without that? Could you imagine not having to worry about work or commissions or paying bills? If the man took care of all of that? Then he would be at a level where I feel that submission would naturally fall into place. I feel that in this day and age it is forced. Or maybe I'm just crazy?
If you are still reading, thank you! Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband and I love our lives, but I am having a super difficult time being respectful and submissive all the time. How do you handle this part of your marriage? What kinds of things do you do to stay on track and live out God's design for marriage?