Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Apologize. Think back over the last couple of days (or weeks) when you should have apologized for something. Say, "I was reflecting on something that I said the other day. I said that disrespectfully. What I said was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?" He may have been 90% to blame. This is not done to re-open the subject. you are apologizing for YOUR disrespectful part. If he starts justifying himself just say, "Honey, You don't have to get into that. I am apologizing for acting disrespectfully. Will you forgive me?" When he says, "Yes," respectfully say, "Thank you," & go do something else. Walk away. Please do not use this as an occasion to rehash the conflict. The showing of respect during this two weeks is not done for the purpose of getting him to look at his failure to love. You are showing respect in obedience to God's word.
I have been really good at apologizing. We are learning to apologize and forgive even the littlest things in our bible study, and I have a really guilty conscience - so I tend to apologize quickly. I will give him a general, "I'm sorry for any time that you felt I didn't respect you, can you forgive me?". I think he will like that : )
Anyway, here is Day 9!
Ask his opinion on some issue related to his expertise or interests. Phillipians 2:4 says, "each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." If he is a political junkie, ask a sports questions. Ask a question in an area that interests him. You are also letting him know that you respect his insights.
If you can get him to really get excited and you have several questions prepared, look out. He will be more than happy to talk about his interests with you. Go for it!
My husband talks. A lot. I try really, really hard to always listen - and I always do when he talks about his job. My Daddy says that the most important thing I can do to support him is to be an active participant in his job. Since he is in sales, he faces a lot of rejection on a daily basis, and it is important for him to have a cheerleader that listens and encourages him like only a wife can. But, he always wants to have these long talks about what he saw on the news, or heard on the radio, or whatever...and it's a lot to take in after a long day of work when I just want to be still and quiet. So, tonight I will actively listen and ask questions.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Hubby appreciated me thanking him for working hard for us and providing our home. I liked that one :)
Relay a compliment about him. Reflect over the last few weeks. Did someone say somthing positive about him and honoring to you about your husband? Build him up (1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.") Say, "I forgot to tell you, but so and so said this about you..."
I like this one too. I'm going to try it out tonight!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Last night went well for us. I tried really hard to sit and watch hours and hours of TV, but I couldn't do it without messing around on the Internet just a little bit. But, Hubby seemed happy and content to have me sitting there with him all evening.
Leave a note for your husband that says, "Thank you for wanting to work hard for our family. Your desire and commitment makes me feel secure". Words healing. Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones". Hang in there. You are halfway through! Keep an open heart toward God. Let God act on your behalf in response to these plans. Proverbs 16:9 says, "The mind of a man plans hi way, but the Lord directs his steps".
I am going to do this tonight, I'll let you know how it goes!
Here is Day 6 of our challenge -
Think of something that your husband would enjoy doing this evening. Say, "I'd like to watch the football game with you, when is it on"? Or, "I know that you have been talking about cleaning out the garage, I'd like to help". Whatever it is that he would like to do that you may not normally be interested in. If he declines, that is fine. you sent a positive message. If he says ok and the game comes on at 8PM, be there and excited. Maybe even go the extra mile. If he loves the Carolina Panthers, put on some black and blue. Get into it and make it fun!
I am going to do this tonight, and watch Monday night TV with him. He loves Monday night TV, and I rarely devote 3 or 4 hours to sitting on the sofa, doing nothing. This is so hard for me, because there are always so many things that need to be done at home. Not to mention that I have the smallest attention span ever! But, I think that he would really enjoy me sitting there with him quietly, watching all his shows : )
Friday, February 12, 2010
So, we are on to Day 5. I will complete my Day 4 assignment tonight, when I verbally praise my husband in front of others. I'm excited to do so!
Here is Day 5
This one is kinda funny to me, but I think it's cute. I have a feeling that I am going to get the side eye from hubby when I do it. Squeeze his muscle and tell him he is strong. (stop laughing, I can hear you) Do not make a big deal about it. Just do it quickly and in passing. Remember, you are not a man and you won't get this. Commenting on his strength is commenting on his manhood. Maybe he has been working out and you can tell him that you are noticing his changes while you squeeze his muscles. if that isn't an option, maybe you could just tell him that you want to feel his strong muscles to see what they feel like. Then you could compliment him. Maybe simply ask to see his hands. Tell him that you never realized how strong his hands looked. This might feel more comfortable.
Jeff and I have not been working out. Actually, our "post wedding" bodies have become sort of a joke between us. We worked out to the max before our wedding, and were both in the best shape of our lives. Needless to say, we are no longer in that shape..haha! So, if I try to tell him he has big muscles, he will know something is up. It might even hurt his feelings. So, I am going to go with the strong hands option. I might tell him tonight while we are holding hands walking into the concert or something so that there is no further room for a long conversation, just in case he thinks I have lost my mind : )
Good luck ladies! If you are doing this challenge, let me know how it's going!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Jeff and I had bible study last night, and learned some pretty amazing stuff about God's plan for marriage. I plan on sharing it with you, I just have to take the time to sit down and type it out - stay tuned.
Day 4 of the Love and Respect Challenge - Verbal Blessings.
When your husband is around, say something honorable about him in front of your children or his peers. Perhaps say, "When it comes to math, few are as smart as your dad. Why don't you ask him to help with that question." Or, "Your dad works every day so that we can live in this home. He is a very hard worker." Or, "do you know what I admired about your dad when we first met? It was..."
This kind of thing is not hard for us women. We are only talking about a few sentences. God has gifted us to communicate. If you are thinking that you can't do this, you are lying to yourself. The truth is that you don't WANT to say something honorable to a man that you don't feel is as nice as he should be to you. You are locked into the idea that he must earn your respect. I know that you might be upset with him and that he should also be honoring you. Remember, the most mature one moves first. The more respect you give, the more opportunity he has to (in return) show love. A mature wife looks beyond her husband and speaks these words because the Lord wants us to. 1 Peter 3:9 says, "not returning....insult for insult, but give blessing instead."
This is easy for me. I don't have children, but I can say nice things about Hubby tonight at the wine tasting, and tomorrow night out with our friends. I like today's assignment : )
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day 2 of the challenge was slightly uneventful. When I got home, hubby was sitting on the sofa, computer in lap, as always. I sat by him, kissed him on the cheek and told him I missed him today. His comment, "Ewww, you have lip gloss on". Then, he decided to cover his nose with his sweatshirt because he didn't like the new lotion I was wearing, so I had to go sit in the other chair. Ahh...maturity. Well, I guess I get a A for effort?
Day 3 Click for the link or read below.
Tonight make his favorite meal or dessert. Proverbs 31:15 says, "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls"
You are making deposits into your marriage. During this two week period be prepared for your husband to do something unloving. you have greeted him, hugged him, and made his favorite meal, but later he yells at you for moving his keys. Ignore it. Don't throw your hands up saying, "Respecting you doesn't work. You are as unloving as ever." You are fasting from complaining for two weeks. Lower your expectations. You can't expect him to change in every area of his life because you did three nice things. Do this for God and not for your husband. God commands you to do this. I invite you to take this one step further. We are all guilty of not looking our best. I look ways at home that I would never have when we were dating, or even engaged. I have started freshening my make up on my way home from work, and I don't change clothes until well after dinner. I look my best for my coworkers every day, and I really don't care what they think. He deserves this too, and I care what he thinks! Don't only make his favorite meal or dessert, but also "get ready". Wear something other than lounge clothes, put on a little makeup, set the table nice, and show him that you have gone out of your way to make him feel special.
I can't make hubby dinner tonight, we have our marriage bible study and due to our busy work schedules, we are meeting at the church. But, I am going to ask him what he would like for dinner for Valentine's day, and I'll make whatever he chooses. And, I'll look pretty and set a pretty table. Sometimes it is truly impossible to move commitments around to make things work. I can't imagine what you wives that have kiddos feel like - I have enough trouble balancing work, God, friends and my husband. I think that's a sign that we are not ready for a baby just yet. God bless all of the Mommies out there!
Good luck tonight!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Anyway, we had a wonderful dinner at a new sushi place, and then spent the next 2 hours and Garden Ridge waiting for his car to be done. I didn't realize that he had never been there with me. He really enjoyed it! He got a new cooler, a file box for his car, and a new tool for his grill. I got a stand for my cookbook, and new towel hook for our bathroom that we just painted, some hangers, and a cute little towel wrap that I am going to have monogrammed for his sister for a wedding shower gift. All that for $65! We had so much fun looking at all of the art, and planning new things that we would like to do to our home. It's so hard to drag him to stores to do stuff like that, but I think he really enjoyed it and was appreciative that he wasn't sitting at Car Toys. I'm going to work on greeting him as soon as I get home for the remainder of the challenge. Maybe then it will become a habit : )
Day 2 Challenge
I think this one will be easy for me. Here it is -
Greet your husband and give him a hug. Let him know again that you missed him or were thinking about him today. Again, this is secondary to what you are really feeling. Just do it. If he says something like, "Wow, two days in a row. Do you want money or something"? Ignore it. He is saying this to you because he is noticing your actions and they feel good to him. What may feel like sarcasm to you is playful bantering to him. After you hug him, leave the room. Don't allow for a conversation about your new behavior. This isn't a game, we are just trying to avoid getting into a discussion of unresolved issues that you are not equipped to handle just yet.
Good luck! If you are participating, let me know how it is going!
I came across this verse today, and it just seems so fitting to all the little fights and arguments that seem to happen day to day.
This is the day the Lord has made: let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24
Monday, February 8, 2010
So, here is day 1 - Tonight or tomorrow when your spouse comes home, greet them at the door. Don't yell from another room. Physically meet them at the door. Let them know that you missed them today. (even if you didn't)
Well, hubby gets home hours before I do, and I can pretty much predict that he will be on the sofa, the computer in his lap, watching the news when I walk into the door. He never gets up. Ever. Not that I expect him to, but it would be nice to be greeted at the door. Anyway...so to modify this exercise for our situation, I am going to hug him on the sofa when I get home and tell him that I missed him today. I usually say hi, and then greet the dog, because he is always oh-so-excited to see me, and then I do whatever dishes are left in the sink and start dinner. So tonight, I'll take a minute and hug him and tell him I missed him.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Since I don't get to see my grandparents very often, I made the sugar cookies in the shape of hearts, and put them in these little treat bags I bought a Kroger. I also saw cute ones at our dollar store, but I had already bought these. I am going to ship their cookies to them on Monday so they will have them by Valentine's Day. Just so they know someone is thinking of them.
Here's a picture of our card. I ordered them from Vista Print. I love that site!
Friday, February 5, 2010
On Kelly's Korner, the Show us Your Life for today is beauty products. I am a hair girl. I have naturally frizzy, wavy, thick hair - and it has taken me all of my 28 years to figure it out. In my older age, I've embraced my hair and started enjoying it. Notice that there is nothing about make-up in this post. I wear it everyday, but it is not something that I really enjoy. I don't like trying new things, but I don't love the things I use everyday either. My make-up treats always come from my Mom - and she buys the best stuff!! Anyway, below are my hair must haves. If you have curly hair that you straighten, I strongly recommend them.
I live in Houston, and each and everyday feels a little tropical. We have a ton of humidity here, which is really hard on a girl with curly hair. I use this Biosilk Silk Therapy everyday after I finish styling my hair. A tiny little drop smooths my hair and protects it from the humidity. I usually reapply at the end of the day if we are heading out somewhere. Word to the wise - if you try this DO NOT put it on top of your head. You will look like you haven't washed your hair for a few days. It's oily. The bottle costs around $15 - and will last you for years.